GROWING A HAPPY FAMILY

GROWING A HAPPY FAMILY

Matthew 19:3-12

We start with some very clear premises: Marriage is an Institution of God. Marriage is between a man and a woman. Marriage is for life. Problems in marriage come from human dysfunction, brought about by the fall. The Fall of Adam and Eve brought sin to all men. “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God”. “The heart is desperately wicked, who can know it” So wherever there is conflict in the home, it is caused by sin. That sin could be selfishness, or lack of love or outright wickedness or negligence. The only way to sort out family problems and heal the hurts is to locate the sin, go back to God, confess the sin, look at what His word said about marriage and about the home and apply them to our marriages and homes. Some of the things I might say here today may seem quite hard for some people, but so was it with the Disciples of Christ when He taught about marriage (Matthew 19:3-11). The biblical principles we propagate tend to lead to security, happiness and joy for all those who would apply them.

Functions Of A Family

Types Of families and Functions

Copping Function

Modelling Function

Developmental Function

What is the function of the family? Why is marriage important? (i) To propagate children (Gen.1:28), (ii) to eliminate solitude (Gen.2:18), (iii) to prevent immorality (1Cor.7:2), and (iv) to provide enjoyment (Heb.13:4; Gen.26:8). In this Church we only believe what the Bible says about marriage. Reverend John MacArthur said that two things are vital if a marriage is going to work, (i) A woman characterised by submission she had before the fall and (ii) A man characterised by sacrificial love. His commitment is to love the woman and do for her everything he would do for himself, as he did before the fall.

I am sure most of us will know that there are different types of families – the nuclear family, where a man marries  woman and they set up a home and have their own children, the extended family, in which the nuclear family maintain relationship with the original families of the husband and the wife. Then you have the Church family, where members of the nuclear family attach themselves to a local Church in which they will live and grow and share joys and sorrows.

(ii) The family therefore is a place where people can cope. The family is protective. It helps both young and old to be equipped to deal with social realities. The role of the family starts from infancy till adulthood. The family is the place where you can be loved, fed, taught, cared for, protected, supported. The Church family also performs similar roles. A new born Christian must be protected by the Church, nurtured and admonished (Ephesians 6:4; 4:11-13).

(iii) We learn by watching and observing others. Those who are more mature serve as models for the younger ones. In a home or in a church where there is always bickering and quarrelling murmuring or complaining will teach young people to be brittle. Hostility will be picked up from a hostile model. If your model is loving and compassionate, you will pick up that characteristic. It is utmost importance that children characteristics from the right kind of model.

(iv) Developmental Function. The family must lead people to maturity. People will grow and learn to take decisions on their own. If they are simply made to memorise some routines, when they get opportunity to get away from the family, they will abandon those things they have learned by rote. The family must lead its members to maturity. The church family must mature people and lead them to become full fledged believers (Heb.6:1-3)

 

Imperfections In the Family

Marriage After The Fall

Divorce

Spouse Abuse

Differences In Family Backgrounds

Problem With In-laws and Money

Differences In Temperaments

Sex, Habits and Children

There are no perfect families. All families, Christian and non-Christian are affected by the effect of the fall of Adam and Eve. Wherever there is sin, there will be imperfection. For our first parents, Adam and Eve, Paradise was a happy, blissful place, with trees laden with all kinds of fruits and rivers of fresh water crisscrossing the verdant Garden, with lovely flower and colourful insects producing a heavenly music. Then came the subtle serpent and beguiled Eve and she disobeyed God with her husband. Sin entered the world. Men began to excuse themselves for doing wrong. “The Woman that you gave me”, “The serpent beguiled me”. Is that not what happens in families today? “It is my wife’s fault, she wants to have her own way”. “My husband never listens, he just plays the boss”. “It is not my fault, it is your fault”… All this is a result of human imperfections caused by the fall.

The sin of Adam and Eve brought about several consequences: (i) Pain in childbirth (Gen.3:16; (ii) Strife in marriage – as a result of the rule of the husband (Gen.3:16); (iii) Work – need to work hard to earn a living (Gen.3:17-19); Death – Adam’s sin was passed onto mankind (Gen.2:27). Since the Fall, marriage and sex have been corrupted by Satan, resulting in:

Polygamy (Gen.4:19, 23); (ii) Adultery (Gen.16:1-3); (iii) Homosexuality (Gen.19:4-11); (iv) Fornication and Rape (Gen.34:1-2); (v) Incest (Gen.38:13-18); (vi) Prostitution (Gen.34:24); (vii) Seduction (Gen.39:7-12).

Divorce came as a consequence of the fall.  Christ’s statement concerning divorce is very instructive (Matthew 5:31-32; 19:1-12). In this passage the fallacy of homosexuality is debunked. In verse 8 He showed that God did not support divorce. Divorces is a tragic reality in Christian marriages. Statistics in the US show that half of new marriages fail. 70% of those who divorce and remarry within three years. 65% of the new marriages fail again. Those who marry a third time have 75% chance of failing. 72% of black women and 51% of Latinos have given birth out of wedlock since 2007. 20% of all families are single parent house holds. 25 million children are in those households.

Some areas that can cause misunderstanding:

(i) Differences in family backgrounds. Our family backgrounds are so vastly different that it is practically impossible for two people to act or think exactly the same way. Couples bring what they have learned from their own extended family into the new nuclear family. This very often leads to conflict. Bible instructs the man to leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife (Mat.19:5; Mark 10:7).

Potential areas of problems include – problem with in-laws. Problem with money, problem with religion, problem with temperaments, problem with habits, problem with infidelity, problem with sexual abuse or perversion.

Why do these issues arise? Human dysfunctionality, sin and imperfection. Sin is at the root of most family dysfunctions, whether nuclear, extended or church family. The ever present reality of sin means that we must seek for a theological solution for family problems. Genesis 3:1-24 deals with the entrance of sin in creation. In Genesis 4, we have the murder and from then we have the downward spiral of morality. Because sin is theological, the solution is also theological. We can find answers in the Bible.

What Christ Can Do For Your family (Psalm 23)

Jesus Christ is the Saviour of mankind. He saves from our sins. Since family problems are caused by sin, and Jesus Christ the Saviour saves from sin, we can take our marriage problems to him. He can save all marriages, even those that seem to be beyond help.

Jesus Christ Can Give You Help Outside Of Your Own Resources

You Have His Power To Help

You Have The Holy Spirit

You Have The Power Of Prayer

You Have Assurance Of God’s Help

You Have over 8000 Promises Applicable To You

When you become a Christian, you gain access to the incredible resources that we find in Jesus (Matthew 11:28-30; John 6:33, 35, 48, 51; John 10:11,14, 7, 9)

Answers to prayer (John 14:13-14; Psalm 121-1-8; 55:16-17, 22)

The Power of the Holy Spirit (John 14:15-18; Acts 1:8)

Assurance of God’s Help (Psalm 123:1-6)

Jesus Christ Can Give You A New Look For Your Family

When You Allow Christ To Be Lord Over Your Family

You Get Bible Guidance

Marrying According To Scripture Saves You Troubles

You Get To Know That Marriage Is Permanent

He Helps You Admit You Are Wrong

He Helps You To Bear With Those Who Err

Many of the problems that come in many marriages because the foundation was not right, was not godly (2Cor.6:14-18)

If we seek the will of God, we must be willing to accept what gives. Be not like Balaam (Numbers 22:1-33). Do not let God give you up to your own will, making you think you have got it right (Rom. 1:26; 2Thes.2:11).

When a family member errs…

Godly Priorities For Your Family

Your Commitment To Christ

Your Commitment To Your Spouse

Your Commitment To Your Children

Your Commitment To Work

Emotional Balance Of Your Family

Responding To Members With Intimacy

Providing Adventure For The family

Providing Security For Members

Giving Recognition To Members

Faithfulness To Spouse