GROWING A HAPPY FAMILY
Matthew 19:3-12
We start with some very clear premises: Marriage is an
Institution of God. Marriage is between a man and a woman. Marriage is for
life. Problems in marriage come from human dysfunction, brought about by the
fall. The Fall of Adam and Eve brought sin to all men. “For all have sinned and
fall short of the glory of God”. “The heart is desperately wicked, who can know
it” So wherever there is conflict in the home, it is caused by sin. That sin
could be selfishness, or lack of love or outright wickedness or negligence. The
only way to sort out family problems and heal the hurts is to locate the sin,
go back to God, confess the sin, look at what His word said about marriage and
about the home and apply them to our marriages and homes. Some of the things I
might say here today may seem quite hard for some people, but so was it with
the Disciples of Christ when He taught about marriage (Matthew 19:3-11). The
biblical principles we propagate tend to lead to security, happiness and joy
for all those who would apply them.
Functions Of A Family
Types Of families and Functions
Copping Function
Modelling Function
Developmental Function
What is the function of the family? Why is marriage
important? (i) To propagate children (Gen.1:28), (ii) to eliminate solitude
(Gen.2:18), (iii) to prevent immorality (1Cor.7:2), and (iv) to provide
enjoyment (Heb.13:4; Gen.26:8). In this Church we only believe what the Bible
says about marriage. Reverend John MacArthur said that two things are vital if
a marriage is going to work, (i) A woman characterised by submission she had
before the fall and (ii) A man characterised by sacrificial love. His
commitment is to love the woman and do for her everything he would do for
himself, as he did before the fall.
I am sure most of us will know that there are different
types of families – the nuclear family, where a man marries woman and they set up a home and have their
own children, the extended family, in which the nuclear family maintain
relationship with the original families of the husband and the wife. Then you
have the Church family, where members of the nuclear family attach themselves
to a local Church in which they will live and grow and share joys and sorrows.
(ii) The family therefore is a place where people can cope.
The family is protective. It helps both young and old to be equipped to deal
with social realities. The role of the family starts from infancy till
adulthood. The family is the place where you can be loved, fed, taught, cared
for, protected, supported. The Church family also performs similar roles. A new
born Christian must be protected by the Church, nurtured and admonished
(Ephesians 6:4; 4:11-13).
(iii) We learn by watching and observing others. Those who
are more mature serve as models for the younger ones. In a home or in a church
where there is always bickering and quarrelling murmuring or complaining will
teach young people to be brittle. Hostility will be picked up from a hostile
model. If your model is loving and compassionate, you will pick up that
characteristic. It is utmost importance that children characteristics from the
right kind of model.
(iv) Developmental Function. The family must lead people to
maturity. People will grow and learn to take decisions on their own. If they
are simply made to memorise some routines, when they get opportunity to get
away from the family, they will abandon those things they have learned by rote.
The family must lead its members to maturity. The church family must mature
people and lead them to become full fledged believers (Heb.6:1-3)
Imperfections In the Family
Marriage After The Fall
Divorce
Spouse Abuse
Differences In Family Backgrounds
Problem With In-laws and Money
Differences In Temperaments
Sex, Habits and Children
There are no perfect families. All families, Christian and
non-Christian are affected by the effect of the fall of Adam and Eve. Wherever
there is sin, there will be imperfection. For our first parents, Adam and Eve,
Paradise was a happy, blissful place, with trees laden with all kinds of fruits
and rivers of fresh water crisscrossing the verdant Garden, with lovely flower
and colourful insects producing a heavenly music. Then came the subtle serpent
and beguiled Eve and she disobeyed God with her husband. Sin entered the world.
Men began to excuse themselves for doing wrong. “The Woman that you gave me”,
“The serpent beguiled me”. Is that not what happens in families today? “It is
my wife’s fault, she wants to have her own way”. “My husband never listens, he
just plays the boss”. “It is not my fault, it is your fault”… All this is a result
of human imperfections caused by the fall.
The sin of Adam and Eve brought about several consequences:
(i) Pain in childbirth (Gen.3:16; (ii) Strife in marriage – as a result of the
rule of the husband (Gen.3:16); (iii) Work – need to work hard to earn a living
(Gen.3:17-19); Death – Adam’s sin was passed onto mankind (Gen.2:27). Since the
Fall, marriage and sex have been corrupted by Satan, resulting in:
Polygamy (Gen.4:19, 23); (ii) Adultery (Gen.16:1-3); (iii)
Homosexuality (Gen.19:4-11); (iv) Fornication and Rape (Gen.34:1-2); (v) Incest
(Gen.38:13-18); (vi) Prostitution (Gen.34:24); (vii) Seduction (Gen.39:7-12).
Divorce came as a consequence of the fall. Christ’s statement concerning divorce is very
instructive (Matthew 5:31-32; 19:1-12). In this passage the fallacy of
homosexuality is debunked. In verse 8 He showed that God did not support
divorce. Divorces is a tragic reality in Christian marriages. Statistics in the
US show that half of new marriages fail. 70% of those who divorce and remarry within
three years. 65% of the new marriages fail again. Those who marry a third time
have 75% chance of failing. 72% of black women and 51% of Latinos have given
birth out of wedlock since 2007. 20% of all families are single parent house
holds. 25 million children are in those households.
Some areas that can cause misunderstanding:
(i) Differences in family backgrounds. Our family
backgrounds are so vastly different that it is practically impossible for two
people to act or think exactly the same way. Couples bring what they have
learned from their own extended family into the new nuclear family. This very
often leads to conflict. Bible instructs the man to leave his father and mother
and cleave to his wife (Mat.19:5; Mark 10:7).
Potential areas of problems include – problem with in-laws.
Problem with money, problem with religion, problem with temperaments, problem
with habits, problem with infidelity, problem with sexual abuse or perversion.
Why do these issues arise? Human dysfunctionality, sin and
imperfection. Sin is at the root of most family dysfunctions, whether nuclear,
extended or church family. The ever present reality of sin means that we must
seek for a theological solution for family problems. Genesis 3:1-24 deals with
the entrance of sin in creation. In Genesis 4, we have the murder and from then
we have the downward spiral of morality. Because sin is theological, the
solution is also theological. We can find answers in the Bible.
What Christ Can Do For Your family (Psalm 23)
Jesus Christ is the Saviour of mankind. He saves from our
sins. Since family problems are caused by sin, and Jesus Christ the Saviour
saves from sin, we can take our marriage problems to him. He can save all
marriages, even those that seem to be beyond help.
Jesus Christ Can Give You Help Outside Of Your Own Resources
You Have His Power To Help
You Have The Holy Spirit
You Have The Power Of Prayer
You Have Assurance Of God’s Help
You Have over 8000 Promises Applicable To You
When you become a Christian, you gain access to the
incredible resources that we find in Jesus (Matthew 11:28-30; John 6:33, 35,
48, 51; John 10:11,14, 7, 9)
Answers to prayer (John 14:13-14; Psalm 121-1-8; 55:16-17,
22)
The Power of the Holy Spirit (John 14:15-18; Acts 1:8)
Assurance of God’s Help (Psalm 123:1-6)
Jesus Christ Can Give You A New Look For Your Family
When You Allow Christ To Be Lord Over Your Family
You Get Bible Guidance
Marrying According To Scripture Saves You Troubles
You Get To Know That Marriage Is Permanent
He Helps You Admit You Are Wrong
He Helps You To Bear With Those Who Err
Many of the problems that come in many marriages because the
foundation was not right, was not godly (2Cor.6:14-18)
If we seek the will of God, we must be willing to accept
what gives. Be not like Balaam (Numbers 22:1-33). Do not let God give you up to
your own will, making you think you have got it right (Rom. 1:26; 2Thes.2:11).
When a family member errs…
Godly Priorities For Your Family
Your Commitment To Christ
Your Commitment To Your Spouse
Your Commitment To Your Children
Your Commitment To Work
Emotional Balance Of Your Family
Responding To Members With Intimacy
Providing Adventure For The family
Providing Security For Members
Giving Recognition To Members
Faithfulness To Spouse
